Foolish Insights, 2017-03-20, by the Foolish Couple
Full Transcript below:
A few days ago, we were shopping at Berkeley Bowl, which is a local grocery store with a great selection of organic fruits and vegetables, and is a favorite of a lot of locals around the area.
While we are inside shopping, I was on to look for tomatoes, and Andrew was in the fruits section looking at avocados. So we are sort of separated but I can see where he is and he’s not far from me. So I went on and picked up a few roma tomatoes, and then I turned around and wanted to see where Andrew is, and that’s when I saw this young, gorgeous, tall, lean woman striking up a conversation with my husband. I can’t tell what they’re talking about, they seemed like they’re having a friendly conversation so I didn’t think much about it. And then I picked up some of those yellow zucchinis and then walked back towards Andrew. And when she saw me she walked away.
And I was thinking to myself, how rude is that lady. Californians are typically quite friendly and I was just about to go and say hi.
I thought it was a little odd, so I asked Andrew what they are talking about. And he says she just came up and started asking if he’s a regular and if he lives around the area and stuff like that.
So that actually reminded me of a story of us that happened during our honeymoon.
We were married in June but for one reason or another, we weren’t able to take our honeymoon until end of October. We flew to Miami Florida, and we stayed at a little condo right by the beach. Our condo, which is on the bottom floor, has a patio door that you can walk right onto the beach and the view was gorgeous.
But I’m not here to tell you about the view. One evening, we decided to walk out to the beach and watch the sunset. So Andrew walked out first, and I stayed back and I think I was changing or something. I’m not sure. So anyways, he was out on the beach, and he sat on this ledge and is looking out to the waters, and I saw this typical Miami type gorgeous blonde woman walked up to him, sat down on the ledge beside him, and it looked like they were talking but I can’t really tell because they are facing away from me.
So I got changed and then I walked out towards them. When I get to them, she asked Andrew, ‘who’s this’ – so my newlywed husband says ‘She’s my wife’ and he sounded actually kind of proud of it, newlyweds and all. And then I saw this complicated expression on her face, but she did manage to say ‘nice to meet you’ and then she walked away.
So naturally I just sat down and asked him, so, what did you guys talked about? And he said, ‘Oh she says her and her friends are staying in a condo just down the block and invited me to their party tonight’.
So, I said, ‘well, you’re probably not invited anymore’. And then we sat down and watched the sunset.
I tell this story because I want you to think about how you would react if someone is hitting on your husband or wife?
My reaction is, actually, I’m quite happy and proud of myself that I got a nice catch! He’s not bad after all!
But another girl may start getting jealous or throw a fit and maybe even start an argument about why he is talking to another woman altogether.
See, in this situation, what story are you telling yourself?
The story that I tell myself is that my husband is friendly and quite the catch.
Or I could’ve tell myself another story: maybe he finally met someone else that’s better than me and he’s going to leave me and blah blah blah.
It is all about the story that we tell ourselves. Our reaction determines the outcome.
This is the fundamental of E + R = O
Event – my husband getting hit on
Response – The story that I tell myself
Outcome – We get to enjoy the sunset, or we go into an argument.
See the event had already occurred. It is something I have no control over. It is history.
How I choose to respond depend on me. In this case, how much I trust and love my husband, and more importantly, how much confidence I have about the strength of our relationship. Look, if anyone could walk up to my husband and take him away, then our relationship is questionable.
Now, if you are a guy, let’s say you are Jack. You are with Jill. Jill is the love of your life, and she is also beautiful, smart, friendly, caring. Another guy, let’s call him Gaston! walk up to Jill and started introducing himself and talking to Jill.
How would you react? Are you going to get mad at Gaston? or will you get mad at Jill? How would you feel? Do you feel jealous because Gaston is more handsome then you? Do you feel angry that Jill is so friendly with her new friend? Are you mad that they are getting along so well? Or are you scared that Gaston may steal Jill away from you? Are you fearful that you may not be the one for Jill and that she’s going to walk away from you with her new friend?
All your feelings depend on what story you tell yourself. It depends on your insecurities towards your relationship, how much you believe that your relationship, Jack and Jill, will work out for you. It depends on whether you feel like you have given all you’ve got to make your relationship work.
This isn’t about Jill. It’s not even about Gaston. You have no control over what Gaston’s intentions are, or any other guy for that matter. What you have control on, is your reaction, your emotions, the story that you tell yourself.
Remember, E + R = O.
If you want a strong, trusting, loving, passionate relationship, you have got to trust your partner and you have got to believe that your relationship will work out. No one can get in the way unless you let them.
Better yet, in situations like that, think positive. I am honestly quite proud of myself and my husband. And if you are Jack, you should be proud of Jill too! So go on, have a happy, healthy relationship!
Until next time, Love what you Live, and Live what you Love!
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