Do you ever feel like your relationship is not going as strong as you want it to be?
I’m talking about your loving, intimate relationship with your partner.
"As we progress in life we typically see that our careers and finances tend to stabilize but the other parts of our lives may be falling apart."
And these parts of your life are usually your health situation, your loving relationship, and the fact that you are running out of time.
We are the Foolish Couple. I am Minna, and this is my husband Andy. In our blogs we mostly guides you on the 3 things in life that you cannot buy, even if you have an unlimited supply of money. And those 3 things, are health, love, and time.
We’ve been together for over 3 decades and over the last 30 years, we’ve had our ups and downs. But we have also figured out a lot about what keeps some couples together while others fall apart. So today, we are going to kick start a series on loving relationships where we talk about the glue, the sticky stuff that not only keeps a relationship together but makes your relationship grow stronger and closer over time.
A couple weeks ago, we talked about how couples tends to argue over the smallest things, and how most men would just own up to being at fault even though he doesn‘t believe that he is actually wrong. And by temporarily putting a band-aid on a couples’ relationship, arguments that don’t actually have a resolution can cause detrimental effects in the long term. If you haven’t seen that blog, we have included a link here.
"As far back as I can remember, I am the guy everyone called or talked to when they had relationship problems, back in high school, through college and my adult years."
It seems interesting now that it is one of the most important topics that not only couples need, but the singles that are looking for their special someone also need.
Many couples believed that it is normal for a relationship to fizzle over time, to the point that they may be just roommates or even frenemies like my parents for most of their lives, sharing the same house.
We’ve studied many couple’s relationships and it comes down to 4 levels.
On the high side, the best case scenario, is when a couple are lifelong lovers and their bond grows stronger every day. This is where I feel like me and Minna’s relationship is.
The level down is where a couple are more like best friends. They get along just fine, but there are no passion and there is no common vision.
The next level down is where a couple are more like roommates. They may share a place to live, but they sleep in separate rooms, they have separate lives. And that’s not the worst.
On the bottom of the totem pole are couples that behave more like frenemies, or maybe even enemies. They argue day and night, they don’t get along at all, they have completely separate lives, separate finances, different friends, and they don’t care about each other. We’ve talked about this in an earlier blog and you can find the link here as well.
I don’t think it is normal for a couple’s relationship to wither and die over time. A relationship is not like a flower, it doesn’t bloom and then die.
A relationship should be more like a tree. It grows stronger, bigger, and more solid over time.
I can still remember the day that I got my first Valentine poem over 30 years ago in Grade 12. From what I remember you told me it was a dare from one of your friends to send me that Valentines Poem right Minna?
Well, yes it was really meant to be just a prank. During the time I just moved from Asia to America and the valentine pranks and jokes are not something that I am familiar with, so I just went along with whatever my friend said.
Either way, I am so blessed that your friend got you to bring up the courage to do the prank or we wouldn’t be together today. What started as a prank has become the most incredible journey we took together to where we are today.
Almost every couple we speak to tells us it’s normal to have arguments from time to time. They saw it growing up with their parents and they see couples argue over the most trivial things all the time.
It’s normal to have arguments and lose that puppy love stage as your relationship grows, right?
What if I told you that we can count the number of arguments we had on one hand overt the last 31 years we have been together.
In this hustling and bustling world, this is particularly important for women. We are constantly striving to work harder to advance our careers. We have a vision of where we want to be in terms of our career, but rarely do the women have their relationship in their vision.
You may have a picture or a dream of traveling the world, to live in a beautiful beach front property, to retire financially. But where is your relationship in that picture? The thing is, when you are in a relationship, it is actually in your best interest to work together and form a vision together. Because now you have 2 people working on the same dream and you can share the work and also support each other. It is much easier to get to a goal when both of you are moving in the same direction.
Men are guilty too. I know many men that likes to go drinking with “the guys” just to get away from their nagging wife. Part of the problem is that men tends to keep their dreams to themselves. They don’t tell their spouses about the things that they want in life. And when a couple has 2 separate visions, they tend to move in different directions and eventually they also grow apart.
Over the years, since high school, our vision constantly changes, but we always envision being together. If we envision buying a house, we envision us living happily together in the house. If we have career changes, we always support each other in the decisions made and how they may affect our lives.
How do you go about having a common vision? Look, all you have to do is talk. Find a place where the 2 of you can really discuss your vision of your future. Be really honest and candid about what you want, and why you want it.
If there are some things that you don’t agree on, you need to resolve it. We’ve seen too many couples that did not agree on how to raise their kids and eventually they grew apart.
You should really talk about your ideal family situation, where you want to live, where you want to retire, what do you want to do, how to spend your time, the people that you like to hang out with. You should also talk about your plans on how to stay young, healthy, smart, and wealthy together.
We’ve love to hear your thoughts and comments so go ahead and leave your comments below.
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We believe that healthy relationships start with health and we help couples achieve total success in health and in relationships through nutrition, exercise, mindset and lifestyle. If you know someone who can benefit from this blog, share with them. Let them know that you care about them. And of course, leave us any comments below. We love to hear from you.
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