Lover? Friends? Roommates? Frenemies?

Feb 19, 2018

We just celebrated our 30 years since we first went out on our first date. It brought back so many memories on what led up to how we met and even certain secrets we didn’t know about how we met until now. 

 

For instance, Minna did not know that I hacked into our computer class with my best friend to get her phone number and address.  She was always surprised how I got her phone number, now she knows.

 

I did not know that the romantic poem she sent to me anonymously was a dare and that she didn’t actually even write it, one of her best friends did! What a good laugh we got finding out 30 years later.

 

It’s been an amazing 30 years together and we still have that gleam in our eyes and smile every morning when we get up and we can’t wait to see each other again in the evening if we are apart doing our own gigs… Over dinner we will talk about how our days went, the funny things that happened and any challenges we encountered that day.

 

Always ending on a positive note, we watch some TV together before heading to bed. 

 

It’s been like this for us for 30 years, it’s always like we are on our first date, intrigued about learning more about each other and finding new ways to show our appreciation that they chose you to be their life partner. 

 

Our anniversary falls on the 12th of February, two days before Valentine’s day which makes it easier to book a nice place to eat. However, this Valentine’s day, we didn’t book anything ahead of time but we noticed that not all restaurants were booked up, regardless if it was an average or a fancy restaurant. We could’ve easily booked a restaurant on Valentine’s Day to have a romantic dinner. This brings us to our topic this week.

 

It seems that couples that been together for a while no longer celebrate Valentine’s Day. We think it is because they have become too comfortable with each other and their relationships may have changed over the years.

 

We have been studying couples for many years and we have found that intimate relationships tends to fall under four phases:

 

Lovers; Best friends; roommates; and frenemies

 

The phase you are in depends on whether you are constantly working towards enhancing your relationship, or you become too comfortable with your partner. Worse yet, you may be just staying together out of convenience.

 

Lovers

 

Lovers are the easiest to spot.

 

They tend to smile when they talk about their significant other.

 

They are always together in all social functions if not all events.

 

They seldom travel alone unless it is for a business trip.

 

They finish each other’s sentences.

 

They hold each other’s hands when walking.

 

Their personalities don’t change regardless if they are alone or present with their significant other.

 

Not only do they celebrate the important occasions, such as Birthdays, wedding anniversaries and Valentines Day, they celebrate just because they love each other with date nights.

 

They surprise each other with gifts reminding each other that they are thinking about them.

 

Lovers are always in sync with future plans and goals and work towards them together.

 

Lovers are frozen in the Puppy love phase, you know that feeling you get when you first fall head over heals over someone after the first date.

 

Best friends

 

Most relationships fall into this category. To outside appearances, these couples have it all.

 

The have everything in place: finances, a beautiful family, and a beautiful home.

They will cross all the T’s and dot all the I’s of a relationship.

 

They go through the motions as what people perceive that you need to do to have a beautiful relationship.

 

They do it out of obligations rather than because they want to.

 

It’s like when your best friend asks if you can help them move. You don’t really want to help, but you feel obligated to because you are best friends.

 

Couples in this phase will show up together at major events and parties. But when they are together, they aren’t as intimate together as lovers.

 

You wouldn’t catch them looking at each other or finishing each other’s sentences.

 

Best friends tend to act very differently when their significant other is not around.

 

Some tend to be more outgoing when they are alone but quieter and more reserved when they are together.

 

Sometimes it’s hard for them to really know which is their true self, when they are alone or when they are together.

 

Best friends may have a common goal together, such as college funds for the kids or to make lots of money, but they tend to have their own future plans and goals; such as what they plan to do with retirement or how they want to spend their time.

 

Couples in this phase of relationship have gotten so comfortable with each other, they forgot why they fell in love in the first place.

 

It is easy for best friends to become lovers again, when they are given the opportunities to relive and remember why they chose to be together in the first place.

 

Roommates

 

Couples in this phase are staying together out of obligation or convenience.

 

They may be putting up a show for their friends and family, or for their kids or out of finances.

 

Roommates typically have one partner working while the other stays at home, taking care of the home or children.

 

They rarely show up together as a couple and when they do, they don’t usually show up together; meaning they aren’t walking together, arm in arm or hand in hand.

 

One is usually walking in front of the other and in some cases quite a bit further ahead. The farther apart they are signifies the less love that they have for each other.

 

They are living together as roommates.

 

They are sharing the home, the kitchen, the bathroom, the utilities, and the share of work taking care of their children and around the house.

 

They tend to complain about their partner when they are among friends and they don’t look forward to social events where they are expected to bring their significant others.

 

They don’t spend much time together dining, watching movies or even watching tv at home; typically watch their own things separately from each other at home!

 

Roommates seldom celebrate special dates together. They may see it as a waste of time or money. If they do celebrate it is usually just one event and that is usually their wedding anniversary.

 

They don’t bother with birthdays or valentine’s day, etc…  Couples in this phase have fallen out of love with each other and can quickly escalate to the next phase: frenemies.

 

Frenemies

 

Couples in this phase are the most volatile. They tend to argue and in some cases fight at home.

 

Frenemies are no longer in love each other. In some cases, they may start hating each other. 

 

Couples in this phase tend to think more about themselves, rather than for their significant other and their relationship.

 

Since they don’t want others to know how bad their relationships are, they feel stuck in their relationship and don’t usually have the strength to end things.

 

They pretend to be fine among friends and family but at home, but they barely communicate with each other.

 

Their children are walking on eggshells all the time, because they don’t know when the next big argument is going to happen.

 

Frenemies have no future plans and goals together.

 

They go day by day seeing where things are going to lead to.

 

They tend to have few friends, and they are in worst health and less financially secure.

 

Frenemies tend to have multiple divorces because they don’t learn from their mistakes and relive the same mistakes with new partners.

 

Couples in this phase will never be happy unless they learn from their mistakes and learn to care more for others than themselves.

 

Friends will stop wanting to hang with you because of our negative energy.

 

It is important to know what phase you are in your intimate relationship.

 

If you have a loving, intimate relationship, you will be lovers.

 

If you are just best friends, it is time to rekindle the love and remember why you fell in love with each other.

 

If you are just roommates, it is time to seriously look at your relationship and find out what caused them to fall out of the love from each other.

 

What are you doing, and more importantly what are you not doing, that shows you love them.

 

And finally, if you are in the frenemy phase, you need to realize how your actions affect everyone around you. Your negative energy will impact all your loved ones and friends.

 

Children are like sponges. They will see how their parents act and in most cases grow up to be just like them, so if their parents are lovers, they will grow up to be lovers, but if their parents are frenemies, they may grow up to have their relationship as frenemies.

 

You will notice friends no longer inviting you out because you are so negative with everything.

 

Wishing all the lovers a Happy Valentines week and a happy Lunar new year. I hope you are all starting your new year as lovers!

 

Until next time, Love what you live, live what you love.

 

***Andrew is a serial entrepreneur and nutrition coach, with 30 years as a self-start business expert***

 

Over the last few years, we worked hard to acquire new knowledge, and we took some time to decide where our hearts lie. This year, it is time to put that knowledge into good use. Publish all that we’ve learnt and release that to the public. We want to address an issue that was becoming a pandemic in this world, an issue that is close to our hearts.

We are cooking up something. And we spent our entire week on thinking, positively procrastinating, discussing, learning the trade, and devising our plan of action. One of the lessons that we learned from our past was that, the ultimate goal of a business is not for money, but to build a legacy. Which is why, this time, we’re working on a program that will teach the audience how to get a fighting chance to staying healthy through the years.

Interested? Make sure you’re on our email list here and we’ll keep you on the loop!

 

[The Foolish Couple, (Andrew and Minna), are Jack Canfield certified success coaches and founder of the Foolish Academy, focusing on Healthy lifestyle and Relationships.]

[Foolish Review 2018 – Week 7]